Are you lonely? Sometimes? We all are.
We often think that loneliness is being alone. This can be true sometimes, but mostly we feel lonely between and among others. We can feel lonely in a crowd, in our marriage and family, between friends, colleagues, also lonely inside a culture, a country, in our home and even in nature.

Loneliness is a state of being. Loneliness is about feeling separated. Separation feels bad. We can feel separated even from our own self, if we regard ourselves as divided in different pieces, where we consider some parts of us as worthy, other parts as not.
Or if we identify our self with something outside, for instance a job – then when we loose it, we don’t know, who we are anymore, feeling missing-the-working-me. It´s a great suffering to feel separated inside a bond to a girlfriend, boyfriend, husband or wife – any partner with whom you are supposed to feel a “we”, a belonging.

This can happen of cause when one in a partnership is busy occupied and engaged in something insteresting, no matter if this is job, hoppy, sport, art – and the other one is not so busy. But mostly it is not about the partner being busy, loneliness comes when we are no longer in heart-to-heart-open-connection in dialogs, communication and physical touch.

The feeling of loneliness does not necessary appear by the other, when he or she is happy occupied with others, but often the members of a group feel loneliness at the same time: something is wrong in the way we relate. Loneliness feels worse, if we have nothing to do or lazy.

Our Ego loves “doing”. But even though we are busy with exciting interests, it is always a loss if our partner doesn’t notice us, or both of us have difficulties having reaching each other emotionally. Then both feel unloved and separated – alone. If we feel like a nobody without the other, it hurts.

Being all alone, but passionate engaged in something that we burn strongly for – reading books, paint the house, play music, bake a cake, creating a project, taking care of the garden – or anything we really deeply love to do, then we rarely feel lonely.
Then on the contrary we can feel floading-with-flow, living present in life enjoying each minute. We feel no separation, but in oneness with what we are doing and with life.

When we feel a strong love and belonging to someone, we can of cause miss our beloved, if we live distanced in each city or country. But in a feeling of belonging, we don´t necessary have to be physical together, it´s the intimacy in communication that is important: trust and honesty.

Surely we can also feel lonely when we are alone. If we don’t know anybody at all and have noone to call, nobody is sending us sms or a postcard, noone comes by to give us a hug or share everyday experiences with us.
Many elderly people can feel lonely, if everybody they cared for died. Or if they are sick, not able to walk out and meet others.

To not feel lonely, it is important for us to share. Especially share feelings, thoughts, small and big experiences and ideas with another or others. Laughing together and physical touch often help us to not feel separated and lonely. But in a state of severe loneliness, almost depressive, touch is not enough.
Loneliness can also come to us, when we feel alone about our ordinary life circumstances with the responsibility having to take decisions about our own personal life.

If we are in lack of money, cannot find a job, while same time we must feed our family, we can feel very lonely. Loneliness can be connected to hopelessness – when we don’t know what to do or how to choose. Or when the deep existential loneliness strike us.

Normally loneliness is a state that comes and goes for all of us in our everyday life as any other state of being, we might feel. We can feel lonely a moment lost in another city, when seemingly everybody else in a crew are in heart-contact, but seem to hold us outside the gang.
We can feel lonely when we don´t understand another language. We can feel lost and lonely if we don’t know, where we are.

Many times we create the loneliness our selves by having too high expectations or false imaginations. For instance believe that “if” we had another girlfriend or better grades in school, had a garden, more money, a higher job, then we would not feel lonely anymore.
Or when we deny or don’t accept feeling vulnerable, helpless, hopeless or even tired – then loneliness sneakes in on us, we distance our selves from our self. Then we are trying to be who we are not. That´s lonely.

Loving our true self with all our not-perfection, huge amount of feelings, we seldom feel lonely – only for short moments. When we let our selves be present every moment with all what is, life on this planet, accepting things as they are, then we cannot at same time feel lonely.

Existential loneliness is not loneliness in the sense of suffering. It´s a recognition of a being – being alone in life. This is Ego´s meeting one self, recognition of life and death.

Recognition that responsibility and choices for how to deal with life is on ones shoulders alone – in exchange with others and with everything in our world.
This acknowledging, “I exist alone”, can lead to peace, serenity, spirituality and deep inner joy. This is compassion and gratefulness of beauty and being alive.
This is love.
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In which situations in your everyday life do you feel a little lonely?
Alone?
With others?
In which situations in your everyday life do you never feel lonely?
How long does lonely moments usually last?
Did you have longer periods feeling lonely in your life?
For how long did they last?
What were the circumstances?
Are you lonely at work?
Are you lonely in your partnership or family?
Are lonely moments or periods in your life connected to stress?
Are you lonely in specific situations with others?
Do you live alone?